Monday, April 30, 2012

FLAWS and ALL! YEP I said it!

My MiniVan

        I couldn’t sleep for laying here thinking of the way in which I was going to tell you the story behind the name for my blog.  The-Minivan-Tales was actually my last resort, because it seemed that all my other clever attempts were taken.  Pray at home mom (get it)…TAKEN.  Salty-Mom (“you are the salt of the earth”)…TAKEN, and then I attempted Salty-Seven, but there is really only six of us in our family and even though it is my hearts desire to adopt one day that might be a little premature.  So I sat there contemplating my life as a wife and mother and tried to think of something that might stand out as a constant in this almost 11year journey.  Well... after hours of searching, it finally hit me. The one thing that has been with me the longest, the one thing that has shared laughs with me, tears with me, the one that has even carried me home for all those Christmas’s on that long 13 hour drive to North Carolina…My Minivan!!! Yes I know it sounds crazy, but other than my husband, this van has been with me almost 8 of the 11 years that I have been married.  I’m sure the husband would have loved for me to name my blog the Zach Dasher blog, but well that wouldn’t be very witty now would it?  So this might be a little bit of a long post, but bear with me to the end and I think you will find something worthy of note, I hope!

     Back to the name.  I made you a promise on my very first post that I was going to share my strengths as well as weaknesses, the good/bad, happy and sad.  This is not going to be easy for me you must know.  I would prefer for most people to view me in a positive light, with as few, how should I say it, FLAWS as possible.  There, I said it, FLAWS! I have them; you have them, the airbrushed model on the magazine cover that you have to flip over when your standing in the Wal-Mart line, because little eyes are so impressionable, YEP she’s got them too!  I decided a long time ago that trying to convey that I have it all together is way to exhausting and more importantly does nothing more than create more of those flaws that you are so desperately trying to cover up in the first place.  Can I get an amen!  So I am about to let you in on a little secret. My name is Jil Dasher and I struggle with being a CAR HOARDER!!

     Oh the shame!! My car has been referred to as “The Banana Peel,” “the booger colony”, and my personal favorite, invented by my husband, “the petrie dish.”  If these names do not shed some light for you let me further explain.  I have four kids, 8, 6, 4, and 1.  The end.  How long do you think I can get away with blaming my kids for all of my flaws, just curious?  It’s like the broken window syndrome.  Ill have it all cleaned out and then all it takes is one or two chick-fil-a nuggets dropped on the floor and it’s all down hill from there.  My husband has even tried to talk me into getting a new car, but then the pressure of feeling responsible for keeping it clean is just too much to bear.  So instead, I drive my minivan, happy as can be.  It’s not flashy, it’s not cool, but it’s my PAID for minivan and I like it!!  

     After all, this car has been through quite a lot.  It has survived my son Bear whom at the age of 2 attempted to take off the hubcaps and several 13 hour drives from Louisiana to North Carolina, where my parents live, and back again.  Every dint there’s a memory.  Even the leftover stickers that adorn the back windows remind me of a particular trip when my husband and I were so proud of how good are kids were behaving.  Patting ourselves on the back for raising such obedient travelers at their young ages.  Well our gloating stopped once we realized that the reason for their quietness was do to the fact that they were to busy using up every sticker in their stick-n-color coloring book to decorate the back windows of “the minivan.”  The worst part of it all was the words that flowed from my mouth upon my immediate observation of this catastrophe.  “You will peel off each and every one of those stickers!!!!  Do you have any idea how long I had to sit in the back seat of that van with my son and daughter, windex in hand, making sure they got each and every one off??  Who would want to give up all those memories for a brand new 4X4 Suburban, loaded out??  Would you? Seriously?  Well maybe one dayJ Now that my secret is out there I do feel compelled to clear up one thing.  There is a saying that goes something like this “you can tell a lot about the way a person keeps there house by looking at there car” that is NOT the case in my situation.  I am by no means a neat freak, but I do keep a fairly neat home, on most occasions, anyway. 
This video is the day we found all four hubcaps pulled out.  We couldn't figure out how he did it, but he doesn't skip a beat when Zach asks him to pull them off at the end of this video.  

Now lets move on to the “nutts and bolts” of this post.  I shared a weakness with you today that is somewhat humorous and lighthearted, because I didn’t want to scare you off by laying all my flaws out there like laundry on the clothesline.  You just might never view this blog again if I shared all my struggles right off the bat.  I do however want you to know that being able to admit my flaws has been a saving grace in my life as well as my marriage.  I learned a long time ago that my husband does not want me to be the person I think I am suppose to be, he wants me to be who I am, dents and all.  I feel the same way about him.  Ill admit, early in our marriage I believed it to be much easier to exist in this bubble of believing that each other was perfect and had no real struggles.  In actuality this bubble is suffocating!  This bubble produces the kind of marriages where you float along through life, have kids, raise them, and then end up sitting quietly at the table with nothing to talk about because after all, do you really know each other outside the roles of mom and dad?  I did not want this for my marriage, I wanted much more.

So we decided to POP THE BUBBLE.  He had struggles as a man and I had struggles and insecurities as a wife and the amount of time we spent trying to cover those up only drove wedges between us as a couple.  You think by attempting to convey that you are this person that “has it all together” then your spouse will find you even more irresistible, but I have found that it works completely the other way.  I can honestly say that my husband knows me and I know him. He hasn’t always KNOWN me.  It has probably only been in the last five years of our marriage that this concept of “raw truth” has began to take root.  I have always had a hard time with pride and admitting flaws so this concept of “laying it all on the table” was very difficult for me and at times still is, but it is so very worth it.  He knows that there are times when I feel inadequate and even times when I may battle jealousy or discontentment. Ugghhh I hate all of those words, but like it or not they exist in the world we live in.   I know that he struggles with lust, feelings of self-doubt, and the fear of not measuring up professionally.  Because we are transparent with each other we can talk about our struggles together instead of investing so much time trying to keep the other from knowing we have them. It is my goal to take captive all of these thoughts of inadequacies and to say, YOU WILL NOT HAVE CONTROL OVER ME!  Now, instead of trying to cover up the sometimes-ugly truth about the doubts that plague my mind I just talk about them; Plain and simple like I am doing now. 

You might be thinking, aren’t you embarrassed to admit things like that? Yes sometimes, a lot of times, but I have found that I would much rather be a little embarrassed that I am a flawed woman than to allow these struggles to master me and cause me to be someone that I would never want to be.  Plus for those of you that know me I am no stranger to embarrassing situations!  The type of woman that i am referring to is one who downs others really because she wants to feel better about who she is. Instead of viewing herself and others through the lens of Christ where you will see that we are all flawed and imperfect, we focus in on others weaknesses as if it is going to make our own disappear.  We have all done this.  Think of a time when your kids have come up to tell you that “so and so said I was stupid and ugly,” or a slew of hurtful things, what did you tell them?  Well I normally respond something like this, “Sweetie, listen, usually when someone is saying hurtful things it’s probably because they are not feeling very good about themselves right now and maybe they need a good friend.  Be kind to them and show them Jesus and maybe they will no longer feel the need to put you down” Same lesson applies when it is my child saying the not so nice words, but really that never happens, hahaha (joking!)  The first thing I ask them is if they are struggling with not feeling good about themselves?  Could this lesson apply to us as adults as well??  Well of coarse it can!  I have been on both sides of this scenario in my adult life, sad to say, but I can say without doubt that I would much rather be the one who is implementing the love of Jesus and not the nagging naysayer that feels the need to advertise the flaws of everyone around them.

In conclusion, my minivan is flawed, beat up, probably growing bacteria, and even a little on the smelly side, but I love it anyway!  I am reminded of the wonderful words of David, a flawed man “after God’s own heart.”  I am sure that he too had moments of insecurities and self-doubt.  These were his words:
“I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.”
We are just like my minivan, scarred, broken, and filled with dents, but just like David, when we give our life to Jesus, He makes us new, taking away our sin, shame, imperfections and all.  I want to sing that new song that David was talking about every day of my life.  There is not a mother, father, sister, or brother among us that is without “dents.”  No, we are “together” in this journey of life not with hopes of becoming perfect, but instead with the hope of understanding that we no longer have to be because of the sacrifice of our savior Jesus Christ.  I am eternally grateful and in awe of His love.  In awe of His ability to see past all the ugly flaws that plague me in my life.  The day I became a true follower of Jesus Christ is undoubtedly the greatest day of my life.  I will never be the same and I look forward to sharing with you one day about that amazing experience!  Sing a hymn of praise to our God today!!
I hope you enjoyed this post and found something in it of worth to you in your life.  I would love to hear your thoughts.


  1. God does love us, flaws and all.
    What a blessing that you and Zach are so transparent in your relationship with one another!
    The video of Bear is hilarious!
    Maybe we should take up a collection to at LEAST get the carpet in your minivan SHAMPOOED to remove a little of the smell and 'critters' runnin' round in there!!!
    Being an open-book is NOTHING to be embarrassed about! It shows what a wonderful woman you are & helps so many others in return!
    Jil, I want you to know that when I think or speak of the most beautiful person I know (or have EVER met) inside and out, I always say it is YOU!
    You are the most bubbly, humble, modest, kind, and the absolute perfect role-model for any young girl growing up.
    I love you to pieces Sweetheart!
    Thank you for BLESSING MY LIFE and the lives of EVERY SINGLE PERSON that you have come into contact with!
    You just don't know what you mean to this world!!!!
    Love, Cheri
    I am sending Kendall to you REAL soon! ;-)

    1. Oh my good gracious Cheri, I feel completely unworthy of such kind words!! You dear, are a treasure, and I thank you for being so encouraging!! I look forward to spending time with that sweet Kendall!!!

  2. Jil, I loved reading your blog! Thanks for being so real. Oh, and we are not only sisters in Christ, but we share something else. My girls beg me not to pull up in the school drop-off line because they are too embarrassed for the teacher to get a peak at the inside of our car! I really do try to clean it out....but it only lasts for a day or two.

    1. Thanks friend! It's great to know that I'm not alone!!

  3. I love the name "petri dish"! That describes my car perfectly! I've caught Daniel throwing his food on the floor when he was done eating it. They don't do that in the house, so why they think it's acceptable in the car, I don't know. Daniel can't get out of the car half the time without something falling out. It bothers me a lot more than it does the kids, though. I was the one embarrassed to go the pick-up line at school! Ha!
    I agree with Cheri. You're beautiful inside and out, and a blessing to anyone who know you!

    1. Erin, your words are so sweet, thank you sooo much!! Yeah if you can figure out the car thing let me know because I need some serious help:-)))

  4. What an excellent blog Jil!

  5. Replies
    1. I really appreciate the feedback, Thanks a million!!

  6. Oh Jil! Of course my reading your blog tonight is perfect timing! I dropped my son off at a friends house tonight. I sat there in her beautiful, large, clean home that she thinks is dirty, looked at her gorgeous self even after a long day of work, listened to her speak so sweetly and then hear her say that she's covered in an umbrella of sin, even have her offer to wash my sons baseball uniform bc I don't have it done for pics tomorrow, and my flaws and dents are rapidly becoming gaping holes...As I get home, the song What do I know of Holy by Allison Road comes on. Theres a full moon and I'm drawn to turn up the song and stand in the moonlight and praise Him. Because He is so much bigger than I can imagine or fathom and yet He adores ME, speaks to ME, reveals Himself to ME, involves ME in His Kingdom work, loves ME, forgives ME...and my holes are washed clean in His blood....Wow! If only I could keep my eyes fixed on Him! So thank you for sharing! And may we all see ourselves and each other the way He sees us...

    1. I just saw your comment, for some reason it went to my spam box. It did my heart some kind of good to read your comment. God is soooo good and loves us just the way we are! That is one of my most favorite songs! Thank you for sharing your heart with me. It is for people like you and myself that I even attempt this blog thing:-) Have a wonderful week!!!


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