Monday, April 30, 2012

FLAWS and ALL! YEP I said it!

7:24 AM 12
My MiniVan

        I couldn’t sleep for laying here thinking of the way in which I was going to tell you the story behind the name for my blog.  The-Minivan-Tales was actually my last resort, because it seemed that all my other clever attempts were taken.  Pray at home mom (get it)…TAKEN.  Salty-Mom (“you are the salt of the earth”)…TAKEN, and then I attempted Salty-Seven, but there is really only six of us in our family and even though it is my hearts desire to adopt one day that might be a little premature.  So I sat there contemplating my life as a wife and mother and tried to think of something that might stand out as a constant in this almost 11year journey.  Well... after hours of searching, it finally hit me. The one thing that has been with me the longest, the one thing that has shared laughs with me, tears with me, the one that has even carried me home for all those Christmas’s on that long 13 hour drive to North Carolina…My Minivan!!! Yes I know it sounds crazy, but other than my husband, this van has been with me almost 8 of the 11 years that I have been married.  I’m sure the husband would have loved for me to name my blog the Zach Dasher blog, but well that wouldn’t be very witty now would it?  So this might be a little bit of a long post, but bear with me to the end and I think you will find something worthy of note, I hope!

     Back to the name.  I made you a promise on my very first post that I was going to share my strengths as well as weaknesses, the good/bad, happy and sad.  This is not going to be easy for me you must know.  I would prefer for most people to view me in a positive light, with as few, how should I say it, FLAWS as possible.  There, I said it, FLAWS! I have them; you have them, the airbrushed model on the magazine cover that you have to flip over when your standing in the Wal-Mart line, because little eyes are so impressionable, YEP she’s got them too!  I decided a long time ago that trying to convey that I have it all together is way to exhausting and more importantly does nothing more than create more of those flaws that you are so desperately trying to cover up in the first place.  Can I get an amen!  So I am about to let you in on a little secret. My name is Jil Dasher and I struggle with being a CAR HOARDER!!

     Oh the shame!! My car has been referred to as “The Banana Peel,” “the booger colony”, and my personal favorite, invented by my husband, “the petrie dish.”  If these names do not shed some light for you let me further explain.  I have four kids, 8, 6, 4, and 1.  The end.  How long do you think I can get away with blaming my kids for all of my flaws, just curious?  It’s like the broken window syndrome.  Ill have it all cleaned out and then all it takes is one or two chick-fil-a nuggets dropped on the floor and it’s all down hill from there.  My husband has even tried to talk me into getting a new car, but then the pressure of feeling responsible for keeping it clean is just too much to bear.  So instead, I drive my minivan, happy as can be.  It’s not flashy, it’s not cool, but it’s my PAID for minivan and I like it!!  

     After all, this car has been through quite a lot.  It has survived my son Bear whom at the age of 2 attempted to take off the hubcaps and several 13 hour drives from Louisiana to North Carolina, where my parents live, and back again.  Every dint there’s a memory.  Even the leftover stickers that adorn the back windows remind me of a particular trip when my husband and I were so proud of how good are kids were behaving.  Patting ourselves on the back for raising such obedient travelers at their young ages.  Well our gloating stopped once we realized that the reason for their quietness was do to the fact that they were to busy using up every sticker in their stick-n-color coloring book to decorate the back windows of “the minivan.”  The worst part of it all was the words that flowed from my mouth upon my immediate observation of this catastrophe.  “You will peel off each and every one of those stickers!!!!  Do you have any idea how long I had to sit in the back seat of that van with my son and daughter, windex in hand, making sure they got each and every one off??  Who would want to give up all those memories for a brand new 4X4 Suburban, loaded out??  Would you? Seriously?  Well maybe one dayJ Now that my secret is out there I do feel compelled to clear up one thing.  There is a saying that goes something like this “you can tell a lot about the way a person keeps there house by looking at there car” that is NOT the case in my situation.  I am by no means a neat freak, but I do keep a fairly neat home, on most occasions, anyway. 
This video is the day we found all four hubcaps pulled out.  We couldn't figure out how he did it, but he doesn't skip a beat when Zach asks him to pull them off at the end of this video.  

Now lets move on to the “nutts and bolts” of this post.  I shared a weakness with you today that is somewhat humorous and lighthearted, because I didn’t want to scare you off by laying all my flaws out there like laundry on the clothesline.  You just might never view this blog again if I shared all my struggles right off the bat.  I do however want you to know that being able to admit my flaws has been a saving grace in my life as well as my marriage.  I learned a long time ago that my husband does not want me to be the person I think I am suppose to be, he wants me to be who I am, dents and all.  I feel the same way about him.  Ill admit, early in our marriage I believed it to be much easier to exist in this bubble of believing that each other was perfect and had no real struggles.  In actuality this bubble is suffocating!  This bubble produces the kind of marriages where you float along through life, have kids, raise them, and then end up sitting quietly at the table with nothing to talk about because after all, do you really know each other outside the roles of mom and dad?  I did not want this for my marriage, I wanted much more.

So we decided to POP THE BUBBLE.  He had struggles as a man and I had struggles and insecurities as a wife and the amount of time we spent trying to cover those up only drove wedges between us as a couple.  You think by attempting to convey that you are this person that “has it all together” then your spouse will find you even more irresistible, but I have found that it works completely the other way.  I can honestly say that my husband knows me and I know him. He hasn’t always KNOWN me.  It has probably only been in the last five years of our marriage that this concept of “raw truth” has began to take root.  I have always had a hard time with pride and admitting flaws so this concept of “laying it all on the table” was very difficult for me and at times still is, but it is so very worth it.  He knows that there are times when I feel inadequate and even times when I may battle jealousy or discontentment. Ugghhh I hate all of those words, but like it or not they exist in the world we live in.   I know that he struggles with lust, feelings of self-doubt, and the fear of not measuring up professionally.  Because we are transparent with each other we can talk about our struggles together instead of investing so much time trying to keep the other from knowing we have them. It is my goal to take captive all of these thoughts of inadequacies and to say, YOU WILL NOT HAVE CONTROL OVER ME!  Now, instead of trying to cover up the sometimes-ugly truth about the doubts that plague my mind I just talk about them; Plain and simple like I am doing now. 

You might be thinking, aren’t you embarrassed to admit things like that? Yes sometimes, a lot of times, but I have found that I would much rather be a little embarrassed that I am a flawed woman than to allow these struggles to master me and cause me to be someone that I would never want to be.  Plus for those of you that know me I am no stranger to embarrassing situations!  The type of woman that i am referring to is one who downs others really because she wants to feel better about who she is. Instead of viewing herself and others through the lens of Christ where you will see that we are all flawed and imperfect, we focus in on others weaknesses as if it is going to make our own disappear.  We have all done this.  Think of a time when your kids have come up to tell you that “so and so said I was stupid and ugly,” or a slew of hurtful things, what did you tell them?  Well I normally respond something like this, “Sweetie, listen, usually when someone is saying hurtful things it’s probably because they are not feeling very good about themselves right now and maybe they need a good friend.  Be kind to them and show them Jesus and maybe they will no longer feel the need to put you down” Same lesson applies when it is my child saying the not so nice words, but really that never happens, hahaha (joking!)  The first thing I ask them is if they are struggling with not feeling good about themselves?  Could this lesson apply to us as adults as well??  Well of coarse it can!  I have been on both sides of this scenario in my adult life, sad to say, but I can say without doubt that I would much rather be the one who is implementing the love of Jesus and not the nagging naysayer that feels the need to advertise the flaws of everyone around them.

In conclusion, my minivan is flawed, beat up, probably growing bacteria, and even a little on the smelly side, but I love it anyway!  I am reminded of the wonderful words of David, a flawed man “after God’s own heart.”  I am sure that he too had moments of insecurities and self-doubt.  These were his words:
“I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.”
We are just like my minivan, scarred, broken, and filled with dents, but just like David, when we give our life to Jesus, He makes us new, taking away our sin, shame, imperfections and all.  I want to sing that new song that David was talking about every day of my life.  There is not a mother, father, sister, or brother among us that is without “dents.”  No, we are “together” in this journey of life not with hopes of becoming perfect, but instead with the hope of understanding that we no longer have to be because of the sacrifice of our savior Jesus Christ.  I am eternally grateful and in awe of His love.  In awe of His ability to see past all the ugly flaws that plague me in my life.  The day I became a true follower of Jesus Christ is undoubtedly the greatest day of my life.  I will never be the same and I look forward to sharing with you one day about that amazing experience!  Sing a hymn of praise to our God today!!
I hope you enjoyed this post and found something in it of worth to you in your life.  I would love to hear your thoughts.

Friday, April 27, 2012


7:44 AM 0

WELCOME TO MY FIRST FASHION FIND FRIDAY! I hope to post a new fashion find on the final Friday of every month!  Let me start by sending out a warning to all readers: I do not in any way claim to be a TREND finder or promoter.  This does not mean that I will not promote things that are trendy, but it does mean that I will choose my finds based on the fact that I think they are great, not because they are trendy. Get it?  The way I choose to dress and the way I advise others to as well is not always in tune with the styles that are covering the latest magazines, but rather based on how you feel when your wearing an item or certain style.  I have never really followed the rules of style that are put into place by some unknown force.  Rules like no white in winter, which now they say is OK.  Who is they?? Can someone tell me that?  So the way I see it YOU are THEY.  YOU are the one who gets to decide what kind of style that you feel good in.  I believe true style is the way you carry yourself, not what it is that you are wearing.  If you feel good and comfortable then that is the vibe you will portray.  So there is my little disclaimer.  Just maybe some of my favorite finds will be your favorite finds too!
That being said I LOVE BOOTS!!! BOOTS, BOOTS, and more BOOTS!  I wear them all year long; rain, shine, hot, or cold.  Boots make me happy! Yes I know that it is spring, but don’t you know that April showers bring May flowers and what better way to prepare for those showers than a really good pair of rain boots.  My fashion find this week is found at a place familiar to us all.  Sometimes this place is the thorn in our side, but every now and again Wal-Mart comes through for a girl like me.  Today they did and I purchased the pair of rain boots you will see at the bottom of this post for a whopping $14.  Why yes I do have two other pairs of rain boots, those you see pictured above, but for $14 I can complete my collection.  The black ones are my neutral pair that can be worn with anything, anytime, anywhere.  I also bought these from Wal-Mart about three months ago for $18. I have worn them with shorts, skinny jeans, and even pajama pants, (when I’m walking to the mailbox.)  My navy Sperry rain boots were purchased at TJMaxx and they have a wedge heel, which is perfect for a 5’2” kinda girl like myself.  These are great for when I need to look a little dressier, but still want to feel comfortable.  So why you ask do I need the yellow ones? I don’t need them, but they’re just sooo cute!!! 
Moral of this story, rain boots come in all shapes, colors, sizes, and most importantly PRICES.  Save your money.  Go the cheap route and use your extra money to buy some really cute knee socks to wear with them.  Let the sock stick out just above the top of the boot.  It’ll make you smile!!    

If you have a fabulous fashion find that you would like to share or a really great pair of rain boots please comment and share with us allJ

  Women's Colorblock Lace-Up Rain Boots  (click hear and the link should appear, ha, that rymes)


Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Why Blog??

1:15 PM 11

Hi Yall! Why am I starting a blog??  Mostly because I am super impressed and jealous of all the moms out there that blog the daily events and milestones reached by each child while at the same time maintaining a perfectly ordered household, organic garden, and homeschool!!! If that’s not enough, all the while they never seem to have moments of impatience.  With every discipline opportunity they handle it with complete grace and instruction straight from the word of God.  Their words are so articulate that their kids immediately see the error of their ways and promise to be better, right after they remind their mother how wonderful she is.  So I am going to be one of those moms and I am going to give this blog thing a shot.  The rest is sure to fall into place…right?
Just in the time it took me to write this paragraph I believe, no I’m positive that my 1 year old spilled chicken broth all over my mopped kitchen floor, my four year old had a melt down because the cheese wiz was gone, (oops cheese wiz is not organic is it?) and finally my 6 and 8 year old were fighting over who made the biggest mess in the school room and why the other one was going to clean it or they were going to tell mom. I mean do they really think I can’t hear what’s going on?? Yes, of coarse, I immediately recited the scripture (“if a man does not work, he should not eat.”) Well that’s what I wanted to do after I thought about it for a minute, but in actuality I sent them to there rooms.  I do have a blog to write.

So you see this blog probably is not going to make me into the perfect Christian wife and mother, but that was really never my goal to begin with.  I just thought that would be a clever start.  Please know that if you truly are all of those things I listed in the first paragraph, I admire you beyond words and wish that you would write a blog for me!!! However, I believe there are far more of you moms out there like myself, who with all there heart seek to be the woman that God has intended for them to be in every area of their lives, yet still you find yourself coming up short at times.  I do not have a PhD in raising kids or being the perfect wife.  In fact my degree is in fashion merchandising, so as far as qualifications go, I guess I’m only qualified to tell you how the perfect mother should dress, which I just might do at times because I love to share a bargain with my friends.  However, I’m a TjMaxx junky so if you’re a high dollar spender I would not be the girl for you.

 All that being said I am the wife of an amazing man that challenges me everyday to be all that God has called me to be and the mother of 4 kid ages 8, 6, 4, and 1 so right or wrong I have some experience in the kid arena.  No my days are not all sunshine’s and roses and I normally do not greet my husband at the door after a long days work with a glass of sweet tea and his slippers looking ever so lovely with not a hair out of place, although I probably should more often.  Instead he usually finds me in a “every hair OUT of place look” with a baby on my hip and no telling what type of food or fingerprint tattooing the front of my not so designer t-shirt.  When I’m really feeling good I will throw on some mascara and lip gloss to attempt the “I don’t really care what I look like, but I hope you find me irresistible” look, you know what I’m talking about ladies.   My children are the joy of my life, but there are days when I am almost positive that someone somewhere has implanted crazy chips in the brains of each one of my children in order to get a great video for YouTube.  However I feel so beyond blessed to be able to peek at the world through their untainted eyes.  Their discoveries and observations bring warmth to my heart.  I hope that through this blog I can share my experiences as a God fearing woman, wife, and mother, both good and bad; things that worked and things that didn’t, strengths and weaknesses, and most importantly anything that the holy spirit might lay on my heart to share with a most special, unique, and admiringly strong segment of society known as MOTHERS.

(friends, I know you are laughing right now)  


Follow Us @jilldasher